


silk and honey

by hubristic



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drunken Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, and thinks he's beautiful, idk what else to tag, it b like that sometimes, renjun is basically just rlly gay for jeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 06:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16012016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hubristic/pseuds/hubristic
Summary: but the thing is that it’s always been that way with jeno. it’s always been so easy to be with him, it was so easy to fall in love with him.





	silk and honey

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic posted here ayyyy. tbh the end is a bit rough so i'll probably edit it at some point lol

renjun reaches for the last bottle of soju, hand shaking from the irrepressible buzz that alcohol always seems to bring with it.

jeno's smile slowly grows; it's become something that has found a home in the spaces between renjun's ribs. the wider it gets, the closer renjun's bones feel like they're being pushed to their breaking point. there never seems to be enough room for both jeno and his heart in his chest.

his eyes crinkle and renjun takes a swig from the bottle, his fingers clinging to the neck loosely. “-and so doyoung said that jaehyun stood up in the middle of their lecture and said that he had to go home because, and i quote doyoung's quote, ‘my dumbass roommate put my beta fish in the fridge’ before bolting.”

jeno's bangs fall into his eyes. renjun takes another sip. he watches jeno watch him as his story comes to a close, sinking into the warmth of the couch cushions. jeno tilts his head curiously, the dim yellow light from the hallway catching on the edges of his being giving him a soft, full body halo. he looks ethereal. a pink flush sits high on his cheeks, his lips, unevenly red from biting on the bottom one and wet from licking them every so often to compensate for the dryness that accompanies the cold in the winter. and he looks so, so, beautiful. somewhere in the back his his mind renjun thinks he could sit here forever. but he knows he can't, so he drinks in the moment, drinks in jeno.

“you know,” he pauses. despite starting, he won't continue without a sign from renjun that he can. because he knows renjun sometimes prefers to bask in silence but still with company. a noncommittal hum reverberates in his throat and so jeno begins again. “you know, i never can understand why they broke up.”

“who?” renjun asks even though he knows jeno would go on, whether he asked or not now that renjun has already let him. he lets his eyes drift closed. jeno knows he's listening.

“doyoung and jaehyun. i thought it was mutual, but doyoung says it was jaehyun.” he closes his mouth. without peeking, renjun knows the moment he decides to add onto what he said and the moment he opens his mouth again. because jeno can't not clarify what he meant. because jeno knows him, but he knows jeno too. “who broke it off, i mean.”

renjun opens his eyes. “you didn't ask?” jeno's eyes follow his bottle up to his lips when he takes another sip.

“he said, well, he said that jaehyun never explained why and i didn't want to push. it was such a long time ago but sometimes - “ he pulls his feet up to where his ass meets his thighs and hugs his legs, “ - sometimes you can see it, how much he still loves him. and he misses him. but he said that's why you shouldn't, um - ” he looks up, really _looks_ into renjun's eyes before clearing his throat.

sometimes renjun thinks jeno knows. it's as much of a part of him as anything else, and jeno knows renjun more than anyone else ever could, so it's not a question of if he'll ever know it's more of a when. “ - shouldn't date your best friend. because you lose your best friend too..”

and -

and that makes sense. doyoung and jaehyun were supposed to get married. everyone thought they were, really, _they_ thought they were. then they weren't talking for months, years. it was more months before they were civil, and more for them to become friends again. _they were too young_ , everyone wanted to say. but didn't. because even if they wanted to, it wasn't true. either way, they lost a lifetime of friendship and it would never be quite the same.

but also it doesn't make sense.

because the person you date is supposed to be your best friend, the person you love and rely on wholeheartedly. you want their happiness as much as your own. that's what a best friend is.

he says as much. “but isn't the person you date supposed to be your best friend?” it comes out gentler, more _vulnerable_ than he intended. he’s never been good at phrasing what he wants to say. it sounds too much like another unanswered question. “they're… your person. i guess.”

jeno blinks.

“um. i don’t know.” jeno swallows and renjun can't help but let his gaze catch on the bobbing jut of his throat. renjun knows what he's about to say before he even opens his mouth. “we're best friends and we're not dating. haha. but. maybe.”

god. renjun chugs the last of his drink. “fair enough.” and it is. they're best friends and they're definitively not dating which is fine. that's fine. because jeno doesn't want renjun like renjun wants jeno. which is fine, it’s perfectly fucking _fine_. he ducks his head against the the side of the sofa, and they fall back into silence. it’s comfortable and it’s easy.

but the thing is, is that it’s always been that way with jeno. it’s always been so easy to be with him, it was so easy to fall in love with him.

he holds a hand out, and without a second of hesitation jeno lets go of his grip around his legs and crawls across the couch. “scoot,” he says, shoving renjun’s legs off the couch. he situates himself into the gap of space between his body and the back of the couch, wrapping an arm around renjun’s torso and slinging a leg over his. it takes everything in renjun to not absolutely _melt_ against him.

“noo,” he whines, withering underneath the limbs trapping him against the cushions. “it's hot already.”

"if only you had bothered to fix the ac," jeno says, in a mockingly wistful tone. his skin is hot and slightly sticky with sweat against renjun's. he shivers despite the heat.

jeno sticks his tongue out. renjun rolls his eyes. he resigns to face jeno, who’s suddenly smiling at him and just as suddenly, he’s forgotten how to breathe.

it’s not that they haven’t cuddled before, because they have. almost on a daily basis because as much as renjun hates being touched, he can never seem to get enough of jeno. there’s always a soft, thrumming ache left in his bones after they part that leaves him wanting more. but there’s something _different,_ and it settles in his stomach, and as always jeno’s just looking, searching, waiting. the hesitant maybe that jeno tacked onto his response echos in the back of his mind.

renjun places a hand in between the nape of jeno's neck and the seat. everything from there is a dull haze, everything except jeno who looks like all renjun has ever wanted, _is_ all renjun has ever wanted and everything in his body is telling him that he should kiss jeno right now. if he kisses jeno and anything goes haywire he can blame the alcohol, anything but himself. _just this once,_ he tells himself. jeno’s lazy grin that’s nothing more than half quirked up lips is the most tempting thing he’s ever seen. maybe it’s because it feels like alcohol is pumping through his veins instead of blood, or maybe it’s because in this proximity jeno is just _that_ overwhelming, but his thoughts become frantic. _just this once, i only have just this once, just this_ one _time -_

there are no fireworks, no butterflies. just silence and warmth that begins in his core that spreads to the tips of his fingers, curled around the column of jeno's throat, thumbs pressed behind his ears. an aborted noise makes its way out of jeno's chest, but he makes no move to get away. if anything, his own noise grants him admission to get closer. his hand presses the small of renjun’s back, driving him against himself. he hooks renjun's leg between his own, melding their bodies together from head to toe. and it's good, it's warm, it feels so distinctly like coming home he has to repress a shiver. they move their lips slowly, movements syrupy as if they're tracking through honey. renjun's head is buzzing and all his senses can process is _jeno,_ and it's good.

and god. jeno is letting out soft drops of noise, probably unaware he's even making the small sounds. his spit slick lips slide against renjun’s like silk.

his fingertips dig slightly into the flesh of renjun’s back and it's just enough to ground him while letting his head float amongst the clouds. but, apparently, all good things must come to an end because-

what is he even doing? he just kissed jeno, he _is_ kissing jeno, and he's fucked up. every single second that passes by is him fucking up just that much more. because he could just kiss him once and he's supposed to only kiss him once, but now that he's done it, tasted jeno on his tongue, the aching in his bones will magnify, it's already begun, from the knowledge that he won't be able to do it again and it's imprint will ghost over his lips as if they were sealed for a hundred more.

renjun's heart stutters when he pulls away and jeno whines, chasing his mouth the few centimeters he moves his head. with something like amazement, he watches jeno's eyes flutter open, almost reluctantly.

“renjun,” he whispers, breathier than the intensity of their kisses called for, but he sounds as breathless as renjun feels. “renjun, kiss me again.”

which - what.

“i - what _?_ ”

jeno huffs lightly through his nose and his eyes linger on renjun's collarbones. “okay, listen, i've kind of wanted to kiss you for like five years - which.” jeno crinkles his nose and a soft smile spreads curls the ends of his beautifully red - _i did that -_ mouth. renjun's ribs stretch.

“i actually hadn't realized it's been that long. but, either way, i'd like to kiss you again if -” he makes eye contact and it just about burns, “- if, you want. i don't know if you kissed me because you're drunk or if it was in the moment but, kiss me again.” he whispers, as if weary of breaking the three am silence hanging in the air around them. and because jeno is his person, he knows renjun is someone who has to approach feelings in his own time, but _has_ to at some point - “it doesn't have to really, _mean_ , anything. just, we can talk about it in the morning. if you want.”

renjun knows there's a question in there. jeno has never _not_ given him a choice in how their friendship goes, except, for maybe when he made renjun fall in love with him. but he's starting to think there was a choice somewhere in that too. because there really is no one better to be in love with than your best friend he concludes, wrapped in jeno's arms and tangled in jeno's legs.

and this. holding jeno close and kissing him. he wants this. he can do this until the morning, for the rest of time. and it's finally a choice he can make.

but he needs jeno to know that he's wanted to kiss him for just as long. because he's jeno's person, he knows jeno is someone who needs to, _deserves_ to be assured they're just as wanted.

renjun presses the pads of his fingers firmly to the nape of jeno's neck. “try six years.”

the world melts into silk and honey.

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave a comment down below and let me know what you thought and maybe leave some constructive criticism!!
> 
> follow me on tumblr!   
> [skz](https://yangsjeongin.tumblr.com)  
> [bts](https://parkjiimn.tumblr.com)  
> [nct](https://dvngsicheng.tumblr.com)


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